oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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