I'm really into asian looking animals
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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