Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
