this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
you had me at cake vodka
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
