Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
