it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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