Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
