clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
