Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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