I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
