He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
My cat gives me a boner
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
