Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
