i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
