I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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