I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
