Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
