My first STD was from a foam party
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
