summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
