I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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