I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
