I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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