it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
