It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
