I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
