my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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