and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
