My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
