I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
