office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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