Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
