Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
she told me i tasted like america
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
