I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
