Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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