I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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