I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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