All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
