She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
