Define "chronic" masturbator.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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