Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
