i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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