I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
