Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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