The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
