It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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