I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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