He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Blood and glitter go together right?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
