I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Even my vagina gasped.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
