Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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