He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
