i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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