He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
