Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
