So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
