They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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