SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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